Oh the Adventures

The journey continues

2010-06-10T21:54:00.005-05:00

When I started therapy last September, I was scared and a bit skeptical.

I was skeptical because I've done therapy before and it always seemed like such a band-aid fix (which is ironic seeing as I just graduated with my MSW and I am starting a job as a therapist on Monday). It never really dawned on me until truly this second, but the other times I sought out help was not on my terms but always on the urging of others and the therapists were always chosen by others.

I was scared because I never really felt challenged and that the change created was not authentic and lasting.

This time was different, totally different. Firstly, it was my idea (well, mostly). Secondly, I got to choose (well, kind of). Last May after a few conversations with my acupuncturist I put it out there to the Universe, help me find a therapist who "gets it." Another case of be careful what you ask for.

The Universe is not always the most subtle when communicating with me (and I'm not always the most perceptive either), but this was gentle, a whisper. So gentle that I could have pretended not to notice it (at least until it got less gentle and much louder).

Two weeks after I put it out there, we had a guest speaker in class, six weeks after that I meet with her to hear more about her work, and about a month after that we started our sessions together.

Many, many hours and many journal pages and a few pens were dedicated to my fear of not being able to create change that is lasting or authentic, that I'm wasting my time or worse, her time. I had a hard time drawing a connection between the work I would be doing in therapy and the work I had been doing all along with my acupuncturist.

Three years ago, I wanted to start seeing an acupuncturist again. I had had success previously with acupuncture to treat my depression and ADHD and with a failed shoulder surgery under my belt I thought it would be a good time to start. My only requirement when I called was I wanted a female practitioner. (Again, not wanting to start things one at a time, with in one month of each other I started: acupuncture, a new job and graduate school).

I've learned that when I don't put a lot of restrictions or requirements on what I want, I get exactly what I need. I was paired with a healer who is gifted in healing, blatantly honest, willing to share, and deeply caring. Someone who took me under her wing and loves me unconditionally.

We've worked on many levels, creating change so subtle that it is massive. The way we have worked together has not always (rarely) been comfortable, but I always felt safe. I didn't got into the relationship expecting change, I went in wanting to be fixed. Thankfully, she didn't see it that way. Instead of fixing me, she taught me and challenged my perceptions, helping me live my way into change.

When I asked for help finding a therapist who "gets it," that was part of it. The biggest difference, I wanted change. I didn't go into it hoping to be fixed, working with my acupuncturist taught me I wasn't broken.

I'm a big believer in the Universe. She is so much bigger to me than God could ever be. The Universe may open the doors, but it is up to me to walk through, to do the work. When I started this journey I never could have imagined being where I am standing right now.

I have been blessed with so many people who have shown up to teach, support, guide and love me. People to share stories with, to cry with, to laugh until it hurts with. People who help me challenge my perceptions of me, people who have helped me redefine what love is, helping broaden the definition. All of the people are a reflection of me and my belief (though sometimes wavering) that I get to have this.

This journey is about integrating the pieces that were left behind. Finding them, loving them and bringing them with me.

Beginnings

2010-05-30T22:44:00.003-05:00

Big is a relative term. I love printing my pictures in the largest size that will fit on my wall, the better to gaze at, the better to get lost and escape reality for a time. But when I first started painting and was faced with the blank page or canvas, big is so much smaller.

Big for this project was just as ambiguous. I didn't want to create something that was so big it was impractical (both in cost and displaying), but bigger that the usual size I paint in in order to push my comfort zone. I knew that I wanted to display the piece when it was finished, but not where everyone could see it but where I could be reminded of how far I've come and the journey that is still unfolding.

This past year has been one of discovering what I wanted and honoring the vision I have, I'm not sure why I thought this journey wouldn't follow me into the art supply store.

I knew I wanted to use acrylic paints and palate knives after an art experience I had with the kids at my internship (which was lead by a wonderful volunteer). I made the mistake of asking what type of paint I should use, it was less of a conversation about paint and more of a decree handed down by the sales person. I spent almost 45 minutes walking up and down the paint isle as I couldn't make up my mind. Do I honor what I wanted to use or do as I was told so it would turn out "right." In the end I decided to give my vision a shot.

Picking out a canvas proved to be tricky as well. After almost an hour of looking at different canvases, comparing them to one another and debating endlessly, I finally decided on a 26x32 canvas. (yep, at this point I've been at the art store almost two hours)

Some how I wanted to combine the "how" and the "goal" sketches that I made back in November. I thought maybe doing the chakras and my outline but that wouldn't give enough color on the canvas. Then I thought about doing colored squares over the entire canvas but that what too neat and orderly. As you can see there are a few areas obviously painted over, I was thinking way too hard. Then I gave up and just painted.

Once I decided to let the colors choose where they were going things happened much faster and more fluidly. The fluidity was what I was hoping for. Creativity and movement that bypassed conscious thought.

I was able to give myself over to the process, adding more color where it was needed. Turning off the judgmental part of my brain, trusting in the moment and that it was right.

This is the final product of the first part of the piece. I stepped backed and immediately loved it, for the first few minutes. Then I became very critical of it. It was difficult to move back into the space of knowing it was perfect so I walked away for a bit. I have moved (mostly) back into a space of perfect (as opposed to perfection) allowing myself to be there without judgment and when the judgment comes in noticing, taking a breath and then returning.

And what would creating be without a little bit of help?

Libby Kitty

Inspiration

2010-05-25T22:18:00.002-05:00

I love to create. I had a wonderful Grandpa who could look at something and build it. I had a Grandma who taught me to bake and sew and garden. Both of my grandmas, two women, who always looked the other way regardless of the size of the mess made I made. A mom who bought me Legos and a father who gave me my first set of tools when I was two.

I have taught myself how to hand bind books and how build picture frames and cut mats and glass. I take pictures, play with clay or paper mache or just plain build. But before this year I would not have thought to turn to drawing or painting as a way to create because I always got the message in all of my 2-D art classes that I was not a "good" artist.

Thankfully, I finally got the message of "process not product." There were days I could not wait to get home and draw something with craypas or colored pencils or paint with watercolor. Like I said earlier, my journal and I are not friends right now so the message of "process not product" came at an opportune time.

The idea (before I realized it really was an idea) for this piece came from as series of three drawings that I did in the middle of November.

I was hurting and created the first piece. I showed it to two wonderful and wise healers and both told me, in no uncertain terms, that that could not be the last picture that I drew.

"Draw two more" one said, "and if it's easier draw the last one, the goal, first and then fill in the middle, the how." Amazingly, the "how" came easy, as soon as I had imagined what the end, what my goal was. I honestly cannot remember which one I drew first.

The end, the goal, came easily. Well the idea for the goal came easily: colorful, orderly and bold. It took awhile to convince myself that colorful was okay. I love bright colors, I make and wear tie dye on a regular basis, my rain jacket it bright orange, I never wear plain white shirts unless they are layered with something (usually) obscenely bright. Even so, it was difficult to color this as brightly as I wanted to.

The "how" remained a pencil sketch for a long time. An outline of a person with all these pieces surrounding her. Little, big, whole and broken pieces waiting to be integrated into the whole. Slowly, one piece at a time I began to outline the figures. Sometimes I could only bring myself to color only one piece a sitting, other times two pieces, swirling in, ready to be integrated.

Holy crazy scary.

Looking at this picture it was like finding last piece of the puzzle. I realized while looking at this picture that the work is really just beginning. The last three years have been a journey of discovery, finding pieces of myself that have been left along the way.

This is the next step on my journey, to live my way into wholeness.

First, a bit of background

2010-05-24T16:47:00.007-05:00

Before we get to far into this journey together, you might be wondering why am I posting about this journey in the first place. First, it's a way for me to record the process. My journal and I are not friends right now so I'm all about alternatives. The hit counter says other people visit, and I've shared the link with many, but I don't think much about that when I'm writing. Secondly, it's all about sharing stories, taking away one more brick in the wall that separates us in the global sense. One of my favorite quotes says that "friendships are born out of the moment when one person says to another: 'what! you too? I thought I was the only one.'" Maybe, for someone, that will happen here.

This insane, amazing, hard, crazy, beautiful, rocky, incredible healing journey started three years ago playing kick ball with some kids at camp. I rounded third base, tripped and came crashing down on my left shoulder. The first thought I had was "Okay Universe, I am listening." Little did I know then that the Universe took me seriously and opened more doors that I could imagine to teach, help, support, guide, and most of all to love me while I learned.

98% of the time I could not be more grateful for this journey. The other 2% I get pissed and cry and yell and get really crabby, but I always, usually sooner (as opposed to later) return to gratitude.

This year has been one of many endings and many more beginnings. Those of you who know me well know that I do not like to start things one at a time, I prefer to start things in multiples. This tendancy was especially evident in the last nine months. Instead of easing into my last year of graduate school I jumped in head first. Externally, I started life without anti-depressants, my clinical research paper, an internship, therapy, and a sacred feminine group. Internally, I kicked up the intensity and the pace on healing.

So here begins the creation.

An invitation

2010-05-24T15:08:00.004-05:00

Back in September someone, whom then I only respected, suggested that I create a piece of art, she saw it as being big, a mixed media piece and I looked at her and thought she was nuts (and truth be told, I probably told her she was nuts). I had just started my last year of grad school and I was about to start my huge clinical research paper so creating was not high on my priority list.

Nine months later, not only do I still respect this person but I have grown to deeply trust her, and here I sit creating a big piece of art.

So if your interested or just curious, I invite you to follow the process as things unfold.

Memory Lane

2010-01-28T19:39:00.003-06:00

I've been taking many, many trips down memory lane in the past few months. Reading old journals, looking at old pictures, and spending just as much time laughing as I have crying. There has been more healing in these trips than I think I can even know in this moment.

I learned and am just starting to understand just how many people fiercely held space for me and believed in my until I could step into that space myself. Many of those conversations that were had are now starting to make sense. I've also written a few emails to those amazing teachers who were, well, amazing.

Going through my high school scrap book I found a page that I had written about several memorable teachers I had the amazing opportunity to learn from and get to know. I graduated 10 years ago and reading these statements tonight, I can still tell you who each was one written about.

I thought I would share that list here.

* One that, on occasion, would walk out the door in the morning with two different shoes on their feet.

* And another teacher who employed the use of square dances to teach their students how chemical bods are formed

* And the teacher how, no matter how boring their subject, could have you rolling on the floor laughing in no time.

* And then there was the one who put their job on the line to see you grow in your faith

* There there are those who challenge, push, stretch and won't settle for what you are but for what you can be

* There are those who danced to the beat of their own drum

* What about those teachers who used they most horrible, most annoying songs to help you learn, that even now, you won't admit that those songs helped

* There are those who, as a student, you pray you don't get, and when you do you sit in fear on the first day only to learn that there is more fun in store than anyone though possible.

* Any what about he one who would let you do almost anything in order to express your creativity

* Of those who say the same phrase so many times you lose count

* Or the teacher who watched you grow from your first day of kindergarten to the day you graduated from high school

* And the teacher who rewarded the class for doing well on a test with a day of blowing things up

* And the teacher who knew so little about your life but could look right at you and speak to your heart, help heal your heart. Who, when they are proud of you their face cannot hide it, but when you mess up it shows too. But no matter how good or bad you do the encouragement in never ending. The teacher who can say more in three minutes than most other could in a 55 minute class period.

Hello. Police?

2009-04-19T21:03:00.002-05:00

As with most Sunday evenings between the months of September and May I got to hang out with my favorite five year old and favorite seven year old.

However, tonight took a turn for the, well, um, worst.

Take a look. I'll let you draw your own conclusions...

Rock Climbing!

2009-04-10T21:11:00.004-05:00

I have spent this Friday and last rock climbing, and is has been AMAZING. I am blessed to have a new partner in crime to spend these fantastic evenings with.

Last week was an introduction to the the gym for my partner in crime, and a reintroduction for myself. It has been about three years since I've hit the wall, and the first time climbing on my new shoulder.

I felt like a freaking kid in a candy shop and by the look on Janet's face she felt the same way. We took it nice and easy the first night. I showed great restraint by staying on 5.8s and below (let's not blow the shoulder out on the first time...).

Tonight that went out the window. We hit the walls pretty hard. Janet learned to belay which greatly opened my world. I even flashed a 5.9 tonight!

My last climb of the night was in the pit, I was about two thirds of the way up and my arms are like "Um, no. You want me to do what? I don't think so." Even now, my arms are totally spent. It feels so good though.

As wonderful as it is to be back on the wall it is even more wonderful that I have someone to share it with.

Here are pics of the first night out, and yes, we each got the memo...

Janet

Ryanne

Ice cream before dinner!?!

2009-04-05T09:04:00.000-05:00

If there was any doubt before this picture, I have securely cemented myself as a favorite adult in the eyes of my favorite five year old and my favorite seven year old. We had ice cream before dinner...

Learning Curve

2009-03-05T20:45:00.002-06:00

Have I mentioned that I LOVE my new car? No? Well I do. I figure I have a day or two more to fawn over my car.

Anyways, there have been quite a learning curve with my fabulous new car. Of course much of the knowledge gleaned during the first drive home at 60 mph. So two days into being a new car owner I am getting a fair handle on things.

Well, I thought so, until I ran into a friend at school. I was waiving frantically and finally she realized who I was (you know, new car, much longer hair, it was dark out).

And I couldn't figure out how to role down the window.

Ryanne's got a new car!

2009-03-04T19:48:00.000-06:00

Last week I spent most of my tax refund on my car on Wednesday. Friday I went out to start my car and it wouldn't. I was done. I called my grandma and asked if she would co-sign a loan for me and then I called Sue.

Sue is a walking Consumer Reports report. So naturally she was my go to girl for the new car buying adventure. And an adventure it was.

My only stipulation was no white! I drove a silver Buick, then a white Ford and then a white Sable. I wanted some variety in my life.

The first car that I drove was a beautiful red Pontiac Vibe. I was so excited because, 1. It was the first car I have ever test driven and 2. It was NOT white! Thankfully Sue was there to save me from myself because I would have signed the papers right then and there.

After the first dealership we ended up at Walser. After a bit of confusion and me standing up for myself (a snippy manager who was really mean, and I told her to go away. Nicely of course). We headed off for their reconditioning center to check out another Pontiac Vibe. On the way there I made the throw away comment of "wouldn't it be cool if it had a remote starter?"

We didn't know anything about this car. Allison, the wonderful saleswoman, went to find it in the lot at the recon center. She came back grinning and was like "it has a remote starter!" I asked what color it was and she paused to which I finished "it's white."

Well, I drove it and immediately fell in love with it. It's cute, it fits a full size bike in the back seat, and it's got some serious power.

So, yes, once again I am driving a white car, but it has a remote starter and I LOVE IT!

You know you are a...

2009-02-18T22:05:00.002-06:00

Some spam is clever, and witty and worth passing on. Some of it is just crap. The following is definitely the former.

Thanks Jessica for passing it on!

You Know You Are A Social Worker If...

1. You think $40,000 a year is 'really making it'.

2. You don't know what it's like to work with men.

3. You know all the latest lingo for drugs, where to get them, and how much they cost.

4. You've started a sentence with 'So what I hear you saying is...'

5. You've had 2 or more jobs at one time just to pay the bills.

6. You tell people what you do and they say 'that's so noble'

7. You have had to explain to people that not all social workers take away kids.

8. You use the words 'validate,' 'appropriate' and 'intervention' daily.

9. You spend more than half your day documenting and doing paperwork.

10. You think nothing of discussing child abuse over dinner.

11. People have said to you 'I don't know how you do what you do'.

12. You've never been on a business trip or had an expense account.

13. You know a lot of other social workers who have left the profession for another.

14. You're very familiar with the concept of entitlement.

15. Staying at a job for 2 years is 'a long time'.

16. Your phone number is unlisted for good reason.

17. Your professional newsletters always have articles about raising salaries...but you still haven't seen it.

18. You're very familiar with the term 'budget cut'.

19. You can't imagine working at a bank or crunching numbers all day.

20. You've had clients who liked you just a little too much.

21. Having lunch is a luxury many days.

22. You've been cursed at or threatened...and it doesn't bother you.

23. Your job orientation has included self defense.

24. You have the best stories at any cocktail party.

25. Your parents don't know half of the stuff that you've dealt with at your job.

26. You know all the excuses clients use for a failed a drug test by heart.

The Perpetual Motion Kitty

2009-02-01T20:40:00.003-06:00

The last two weeks of vacation have been an eventful two weeks, especially for a little kitty named Gabe.

Gabe, the perpetual motion kitty who never sits still for long has been sack out for the past five (yes 5!) hours. The events leading up to this odd behavior was a little under two solid weeks playing with his three cousins.

My Mom's house is not large but it is very long so not only did the kitties chase each other back and for the entire length of the house on the main floor they also had the same runway in the basement.

So two weeks chasing and being chased and wrestling with three willing kitties and with very little time to rest as they were always watching their backs has added up to a sacked out kitty.

Gabe sleeping between the back of the couch and the wall, I've poked him a few times just to make sure he is still breathing. Now if the blanket gives way... well that will be another post.

Process not product, process not product

2009-01-10T19:43:00.002-06:00

That is my new mantra. Process not product.

I consider myself to be a very artsy person. I think that I am pretty creative and my final products are pretty sweet. I am also a perfectionist.

As of late I have been trying to be a better teacher. More patient, explaining things better (nope, repeating things louder and slower doesn't always do the trick), and most difficult of all, focusing more on the process.

In order to do this I have enlisted the help of my favorite seven year old (such a willing and trusting soul). I've proposed a few special products for the two of us to work on, the projects are very detail orientated, take a fair amount of time and if not careful can blow up spectacularly.

About a month ago while in the midst of making books for Christmas presents I thought it might be fun for my favorite seven year old to make one as well. She loves to write and is becoming quite the reader.

I explained each section of the project as we got to it and then was completely hands off. She asked several questions and I explained to the best of my ability (only once using "Do you trust me" as an answer) and she was off again, a book sewing machine.

When she choose the colors for the spine of the book and the cover they did not match at all. The pages were not sewn straight, the text block was a bit crooked but she was sooooo proud of herself. So proud that she shot out of bed during story time to place the book somewhere that her parents would have to trip over just to make sure they saw it.

Today we spent the day at Como Zoo. She loves to use my camera when I have it out so I thought that it would be perfect to give her the camera for the day and let her take pictures of whatever she wanted. She had a blast! In about an hour and a half she had taken 75 pictures. I found myself trying to discourage her from taking some of the pictures, but managed to stop myself pretty quick. It is digital after all.

After she shot to her heart's content we headed to a local coffee shop and downloaded all of her images and she chose the ones that she wanted to get printed. After that we went to an art store to buy mat board.

She then laid out the pictures how she thought they would look best, we cut the mat board and mounted all of her pictures. She drew the lines and did most of the cutting so things were not perfect, but again she was so proud of herself.

During each of these projects I would catch myself wanting to snatch what she was working on because she wasn't doing it "right." The colors didn't match, the lines weren't straight, the holes weren't perfectly inline. But she didn't care, she was having a blast.

I got lost in the woods, hell, I didn't even know there were trees when I have tried to teach before. I'm not saying that I am perfect, but I am learning to focus on the learning, there is time for technique later.

Well, she's in charge...

2009-01-08T16:26:00.002-06:00

If I didn't have my cats or the kids that I nanny I would have a whole lot to write about. So on that note here is another precious story about my favorite five year old and favorite seven year old.

It is a common phrase said just about every time I am with my favorite kiddo as the parents walk out the door, "Remember Ryanne is in charge." And "Well, I'm not your mom" is said by me at least three times an evening in response to one of the kiddos protests.

So one evening my favorite five year old asked if he could do something. Honestly I cannot remember what it was but it truly seemed harmless.

He comes running into the kitchen to grab something and my favorite seven year old say "But mommy and mama don't let you do that."

My favorite five year old looks at me and without missing a beat looks at his sister and says

"well, mommy and mama left her in charge."

Parents and Technology

2009-01-04T18:11:00.003-06:00

Okay, so parents seriously should not be allowed to use modern technology if they cannot figure out how to use it.

Tonight was the crowning glory of the technology experiences with my mother. Recently I upgraded to the iPhone which left me with a iPod Touch that needed a home. When I mentioned this to my mom she jumped on it. So I gave her my iPod Touch.

My mother, who in general, is pretty computer savvy totally lost it with this new toy. I take partial responsibility for this as I was suppose to bring it home over Thanksgiving to give her a crash course and forgot it so the in person, crash course didn't happen.

So, after overnighting it to Mom and Pam the "Parents and Technology" games began. After several phone calls and trouble shooting over the phone the crowing event happened this evening.

I called my mom tonight to rag on her for the lack of baby pictures of me (seriously infant to 10 years old in 15 pics! Come on, I was an only child for 6 years!) and she was like "Oh I have a question about the iPod."

"Last Friday I was at the dentist and wanted to listen to Harry Potter. I put the headphones on but still couldn't hear it. I tried to turn in up but I couldn't figure out how. I went into the settings, and did this and did that and I couldn't figure it out. It really pissed me off"

I asked her to get the iPod and hold it in her hands and turn it a quarter turn to the right so that the skinny side was facing her. And asked her to locate the skinny silver button that is about and inch long. Viola! There is your volume button.

My mom couldn't believe it, she thought it was a place to put in a memory card or something. At this point I couldn't take it anymore and dissolved in fits of laughter.

Seriously, parents and technology.

The Devil Kitty Incarnate part 2

2009-01-03T18:12:00.009-06:00

Two words, accompanied by 2 photos:

Yesterday:

Today:

Today I built the kitties something to satisfy their crazy need to climb. Well, to satisfy one kitty's crazy need.

Last night I went to Ikea with a friend to find something to entertain the kitties with. I didn't want to do traditional cat furniture, because lets face it, it is big and ugly and 80s carpeted.

Ikea yielded some good inspiration and a Lack shelf. When I got home last night I pulled out the pieces to figure out the best way to configure something that would entail lots of jumping and eventually (haven't worked this part out yet) actual climbing.

This morning I spent a an hour wandering Home Depot gathering the appropriate hardware (and frustrating employees, you know sometimes you just need to be in my head, then this whole conversation would make sense).

After several hours, a repainted wall, a box of screws and a dismantled Ikea shelf we now have a kitty catwalk.

Libby checking out the new digs:

Learning the ropes:

The view from below, or above depending on your species:

The Devil Kitty Incarnate

2009-01-02T22:19:00.006-06:00

So, as all of you know I have two cats. One is sweet and adorable and quite and really, the best kitty in the world. And then there is Gabe.

Four days ago I stepped on the little guy's head with my brand new, really heavy hiking boots. The kitty retreated and of course, being a good mom, I panicked. Did I give him a concussion, crack his skull? So I dutifully tended to the not so normal acting Gabe.

Well, yesterday he was just fine and felt the need to make up for lost time and became the kitty devil incarnate. He is again running laps around the apartment, getting into EVERYTHING, even things that were safe prior to his episode, today I could not deal with it so he had a nice long time out.

So, hopefully to solve some of this I headed to Ikea. He needs a cat tree that he can climb to his hearts content (given that he broke his current climbing tower this morning).

So, stay tuned for pictures of the kitty cat creation that will prevent Gabe from becoming homeless.

Just incase you needed proof:

Pretty Damn Lucky

2008-12-19T23:52:00.003-06:00

The first 11 days of my 55 day vacation have been filled with wonderful, mindless, and crazy productivity. Just what makes a vacation wonderful.

I have given up on making all my Christmas gifts. They are going to be St. Patrick's Day presents instead. The fabulous Christmas cards that are sitting on my table will now officially be Groundhog Day cards. Amazingly enough, I'm am cool with it.

I'm loving the mega amounts of face time I am spending with a dear friend, and the mega amounts of phone time with another dear friend who is thousands of miles away.

I spent today with my favorite five year old at the Children's Museum and tonight hanging out with some cool people. Afterwords I came home only to find that the cleaning fairy had visited while I was out.

I've got a lot good energy and love in my life right now. My kitties, my friends, my family, not one but two good shoulders and my favorite five year old and my favorite seven year old.

I am pretty damn lucky.

55 days of vacation

2008-12-12T16:06:00.003-06:00

This past Monday I started 55 days of vacation. Yep, 55 days, just a handful short of 2 months of unthinking bliss.

I'm excited as this is the first significant break from graduate school that I have had. I spent last winter break heavily medicated with a three inch screw in my shoulder and last summer I spent in class so I am looking forward to a mindlessly productive 55 days off.

So, what will I be doing to be mindlessly productive?

1. Work out like crazy. I'm not losing any weight but my butt is definitely smaller (tape measures don't lie!)

2. Purge, clean. Repeat (nope, not related to number 1)

3. Dive head first into the insanity that is finding a new internship

4. Find someone who would like to donate some Frequent Flyer miles for a Spring Break Fiesta (any volunteers?)

5. Reading 3 for fun books

6. Promoting my new business like crazy. (Do you need ANYTHING scanned? I can do it!)

So those are a few of my plans. Plus lots of relaxing and snuggling with the kitties.

My favorite kiddos

2008-12-07T13:04:00.005-06:00

Hanging out with my favorite five year old

and my favorite seven year old.

When?

2008-12-06T21:44:00.004-06:00

When will cat fur be an accepted fashion statement?

Come on, the cat is still alive, not like that poor mink around your neck or that fox hanging off your shoulders...

Dude, seriously.

2008-12-03T20:35:00.002-06:00

Here is one last posting from the Scrooge train:

Things that annoy me:

1. The cat who has eaten ALL my ear buds.

2. Not being able to find my YWCA card (fairies, can I please have it back)

3. Cleaning/organizing the coffee table/living room floor and with in 5 minutes not so clean and organized.

4. Pointless busy work.

5. Not being able to fit everything that I want/need to into any given day.

6. Downtown Saint Paul

7. Flu shots

8. Busting out 40 mins on the treadmill is impossible without actually eating in recent history

Okay, thanks for vent.

Kitty and the Scrooge

2008-11-30T19:39:00.006-06:00

I'm feeling a bit Scrooge like right now. I got home from a great few days with the family, sat briefly on the couch and decided to attack the dust bunnies lurking in the living room. Well, I quickly discovered that the bunnies were not so much bunnies but monsters on par with the abominable snowman from Monster's Inc. (although not nearly as cute).

As I was attacking the dust monsters with a vengeance, moving furniture, changing slip covers (no, they are not just for old people anymore), and finding just about every cat toy the kitties have under the couch when one on my furry companions would not leave me alone. I picked him up and tossed him (don't worry, no animals were harmed in the cleaning of the living room) and immediately he was right back on whatever I had tossed him off of. I repeated the process and so did he. By this time it was a game.

I moved on to another project, de-dust monstering under my desk. At the beginning of my project I piled everything on my desk to keep it off the floor. As I sat on the floor under said desk, the same furry football from earlier decided to scale the desk. First, the yoga mat landed on my head, then a few random cords and almost a full file box.

So, how does all of this relate to be feeling a bit Scroogeish? Dude, seriously, if I can't keep one of my furry friends off what he is not suppose to be on, how in the world will a tree survive?

Things you pick up from the children

2008-11-25T18:52:00.003-06:00

Tonight I sat down to enjoy a meal of left over mac and cheese with frozen peas that I was too impatient thaw out. As I was eating and honestly enjoying my meal it got me thinking what else have I picked up from the kiddos that I have worked with for almost 15 years (yep, you read that number right).

So here are a few that are screaming to be listed. Do you have any to add?

Eating frozen veggies frozen is actually very tasty
"Potty" tends to override more adult terms
"Puppy, kitty, horsey" tend to dominate animal vocabulary
When one has to go potty, one has to go now
There's nothing better than asking "Why?" 70-75 times an hour (or minute)
Forget the furniture, the floor is so much better

Brownie Police

2008-11-10T20:07:00.002-06:00

Hey y'all,

There are two VERY important corrections to the brownie recipe. You need 2 cups sugar (NOT 1 cup) and 4 eggs (NOT 2). Hopefully I am catching you before you made the attempt to make these. If not, a ready made excuse to make some more.

Chocolate and cream cheese anyone?

2008-11-09T22:05:00.004-06:00

A few weeks ago I went on a quest to find the best made from scratch brownie that was quick and easy to make to capitalize on the whole instant gratification deal. And boy did I find one that is incredible. We're talking better than Betty Crocker and maybe even better than your favorite Aunt Gertrude's.

Ingredients:

1 stick butter

3/4 cup unsweetened cocoa (I use Ghirardelli)

2/3 cup flour

2 cups sugar

4 eggs

1/2 teaspoon salt

1 tablespoon vanilla

1. Completely melt the stick of butter in the microwave (glass bowl works best)

2. Add the cocoa to the butter and mix thoroughly.

3. Add the rest of the ingredients and mixed everything together (the batter will appear grainy, but that is just the sugar)

4. Pour into a WELL GREASED and floured pan (I use a 7x9, or 24 cupcake papers for brownie bites)

5. Bake 32-40 minutes at 325 degrees (this recipe isn't too picky heat wise). Brownies are done when a toothpick inserted in them comes out clean.

And what would brownies be without cream cheese frosting.

Ingredients

1-8 oz package of cream cheese (full fat variety, as low fat/fat free is too soft)

1 stick of butter

Vanilla

1 cup powdered sugar

1. Let the cream cheese sit out 3-4 hours so it is nice and squishy. The butter should be some what soft but still firm.

2. Beat the cream cheese until fluffy.

3. Add the vanilla

4. Add the butter and beat well

5. Add the powdered sugar and beat well

(anything topped with this fabulous frosting should be kept refrigerated)

At least when I make these two fabulous treats, I use all co-op products which means they are organic which of course means, they are health food.

Enjoy!

At risk of being dramatic

2008-11-04T17:20:00.003-06:00

I AM BOYCOTTING GREY'S ANATOMY!

After Dr. Erica Hahn's revelation on last weeks episode comparing discovering her sexuality to getting glasses, she has been fired.

Here is the article from After Ellen.

And the clip of Erica's revelation that ultimently got her fired.

Ryanne got a visit from the tattoo fairy

2008-11-03T20:21:00.003-06:00

Those of you who follow me on facebook may be dying to know the details...

I got to spend the evening with my favorite five year old and favorite seven year old last night. My favorite five year old bounded to the door when I arrived eager to show me his tattoos. He had started at the tips of his toes on both feet all the way up to his hips. Mom said she went to check on him because things were a bit to quite and he was standing buck naked in the bathroom concentrating intensely on his tattoo application.

So in his eagerness to show me and to share the fun my favorite five year old asked if he could give me a tattoo. Being game for anything, I said sure. I've already got six so why not another one.

I rolled up my left sleeve revealing the newest of my acquisitions, my favorite five year old was ready to go. After a brief discussion about the permanent tattoo already residing on my wrist and that yes, it really was permanent and was not going anywhere we were ready.

The first tattoo was a nice little star fish. David was all excited and asked if he could give me another and I said sure. And another, and another, and another until I had five in total.

It was the cutest thing in the world, he put the tattoo down, and then got it wet and held it to my skin and counted to 30, well almost. He then slid the paper off and began blowing on it so enthusiastically I thought he would hyperventilate.

So last night the tattoo fairy left me with five new tattoos, two star fish, a sword and a skull, a skull and an octopus (I think).

Sadly though, the did not survive the swimming pool this morning.

Scanning like there is no tomorrow!

2008-10-23T22:22:00.003-05:00

Who out there has sleeves upon sleeves of negatives wasting away, product of the pre-digital era? I know I'm in the thousands of frames. Don't have time (or patience for that matter) to sit an scan all that film .

Well, I've got a solution. Today I bought a film scanner and I am going into business for my self.

So, if you have negatives that need to be scanned into fabulous, professional quality digital images shoot me an email (ryanne.underhill@gmail.com).

31 cents per frame, scanned and dropped to either a CD or DVD depending on volume of images.

Archival quality negative sleeving is available. Price will depend on the size of the job.

p.s. I can do slides too!

Love/Hate relationship

2008-10-20T10:45:00.003-05:00

You know, gotta admit that I have a total love/hate relationship with email (and text messages for that matter).

The concept is simple enough, you sit down at the keyboard with what you want to say swirling in your head and within minutes (or seconds if you learned to IM/text before you could walk) the words are there on the screen, you hit the send button and viola! instant communication.

What is even better than the instant communication of email is the even more instant communication of text messaging. I mean, come on who doesn't have a cell phone! A few numbers punched and a send button hit and your message reaches the recipient no matter where they are.

So with the wonders of this communication, what gripe could I possibly have? Basically it boils down the lack of both verbal and non-verbal cues. It is so easy to read between the lines or misconstrue what the sender is trying to say, then get all offended and vow to never speak to that person again.

Okay, maybe I am exaggerating just a bit but seriously people, a little discretion in what topics one choses to address via these means could go a long way.

When I grow up

2008-10-18T23:41:00.004-05:00

I got to spend the evening with a couple of really wonderful women. I laughed so hard that my everything from my cheeks to my belly hurt. Once things died down a bit the conversation turned to politics as so many conversations these days do. I said we need a bumper sticker that says "There is a village in Alaska missing their idiot" and they said why not make our own! So here you go.

Let me know which one you like better and we will see what we can do.

When I grow up, if I can have the sense of humor, and strength and spirit they have, I will be blessed.

The count stands:

Option 1: 1 vote

Option 2: 2 votes

Who hasn't been there?

2008-10-17T20:22:00.001-05:00

I am loving the lesbian story line on Grey's Anatomy. One because, well it is a lesbian story line, and two because they could not have chose two hotter women than Sara Ramirez and Brooke Smith.

The most recent episode focused on the blossoming relationship with a REAL date between these two characters (Callie and Erica). And as I am sure we can all relate Callie begins to freak out about the potential of sex and the resulting conversations are hilarious. Who hasn't been there?

A few pics of my favorite 5 year old and my favorite almost 7 year old

2008-10-16T22:12:00.007-05:00

A few posts ago I introduced my favorite 5 year old and my favorite almost 7 year old. Going through some pics tonight I found a few that were to precious not to share. Enjoy!

If Martha Stewart and McGyver Had a Kid...

2008-10-14T15:39:00.003-05:00

It would look a lot like me. Wait, it is me!

Who else do you know who can fix just about anything with a Leatherman (a.k.a. multi-tool)?

Who can entertain the most bored of kids with some cornstarch and water?

Who makes 95% of all gifts?

Who can walk someone half way across the country through the proper way to hang shelving on a concrete wall?

Who takes apart their windows, strips them completely of 80 some years worth of paint AND sews the curtains to hang over the newly refinished wood work? That would be me.

My latest triumph, fixing a very expensive laser printer that everyone else had given up on. It took me the better part of 5 hours over a couple of days, a half a bottle of dish soap, a whole lot of screws and of course my trusted friend, the Leatherman.

The problem: no one could get the toner cartridge replaced, in doing so the entire toner mechanism jammed and wouldn't move. There was no way to get the toner cartridge out, all hope seemed lost... until I got there.

Armed with only my Leatherman (and not a clue about printer repair) I disassembled a few major components of the printer, all the electrical mainly along with several pieces of plastic that required intricate hand a wrist movements to dislodge but to no avail but next time I knew exactly what I had to do. Now, I just had to remember it until the next time I was in.

Today, again armed only with my Leatherman and a bit of knowledge gleaned from my previous experience I skillfully disassembled everything that I did last time. Called the assistant over to remove a a few key screws while I prevented the toner drum from slipping, thanked the assistant and TAH DA! out popped the black toner that was causing all the problems.

Skillfully reassembling the printer (with only one screw and a small piece remaining homeless) and loading not one, but two colors of toner, calling for someone to print something (anything!), a few tense seconds and WALLA! the printer worked.

I am the heroin of the office (not to mention up to my mid fore arms in toner).

Did you know that...

Printer toner is magnitized (who knew)

Dawn dish soap works well to remove toner from skin

Digging around in a laser printer necessitates lots of Dawn dish soap

That I am actually the love child of Martha Stewart and McGyver.

Once you go fresh you can't go back.

2008-10-12T18:42:00.002-05:00

Well, I am back on my veggie kick. No new ones the big skillet of veggies I sautéed for the week a head but still some serious yumminess.

Those of you who know me well, know that there can never been too much garlic or too much cayenne pepper in anything that I cook (although I do draw the line at my morning cup of oatmeal). On top of these two wonderful flavors I typically dump a bunch of chipotle pepper puree in as well. Well, I hope your sitting down, because tonight I branched out and used curry as the main flavor (there is still a 1/2 a bulb of garlic in it).

Quick trip to the Wedge left me with a pepper, and a head of broccoli (and some fantastic Wedge curry chicken salad). Hm, I spent $50 and that was all that really sticks out in my memory (and a bag of chips and some food for the Aliveness Project). Wow, next time, maybe I should go with a list.

Anyways, as Sundays are the days that I cook up a big batch of something for lunches all week, I was already scheming what I could whip up with that and some shredded free range chicken on my ride home. So I'm washing, dicing, chopping and shredding all these nice fresh veggies, and to my dismay I forgot tomatoes! (in my defense, as a general rule I HATE tomatoes but they aren't bad cooked with lots of other stuff)

(Let me preface the next part with this disclaimer: I have made a point for the last nine months to only eat fresh or frozen veggies from the co-op as they taste so much better. Some of you may think I am nuts and that a vegetable is a vegetable but no.)

To rectify this without having to go back to the Wedge, I dug deep into my cupboard and pried out a can of Roundy's brand tomatoes that was hidden behind all the organic co-op brands. I opened the can and dumped the contents into the pan and was so disappointed. There laying in my beautiful creation lay slimy red lumps.

Long story made only slightly shorter, canned veggies BAD, fresh or fresh frozen veggies GOOD. Lesson re-learned.

Seriously...

2008-10-11T18:15:00.005-05:00

Another Saturday spent avoiding homework. Seriously (and I know that this comment is going to bit me in the ass sooner that later, given we are in Minnesota) where is the snowy icky cold weather? It is far less appealing to frolic outside when it is 50 below, unlike today when is was 74 and sunny. So not homework conducive.

To enjoy this weather, I hung out on the patio at Common Roots cafe getting to know a new friend. After that, we took a walk to my favorite art store. I went home, bound and determined to get some homework done. I procrastinated for a few more hours and then decided to head to another art store and the grocery store on my bike. A few hours after that, I am procrastinating by updating you all on my procrastination.

But it is starting to get dark, I've open up Word and dug out my syllabus, maybe I'll get a bit of work done.

However, if you would like to help me procrastinate feel free to give me a call, or better yet, just come and kidnap me.

Inner Workings of Sarah Palin's Brain

2008-10-09T14:20:00.004-05:00

I'm not that political, but one of my favorite people is and I happen to walk into her office at the right moment.

Here are the workings of Sarah Palin's brain laid out in a visual representation.

Reading to my favorite almost 7 year old.

2008-10-06T20:06:00.005-05:00

Every Sunday night I get to spend time with my favorite five year old and almost seven year old. During our play dates we read a lot of books. Well last night the reading included a book on how girls and boys are different and yes, where babies come from (It's Not the Stork, which for the record, AMAZING book).

I arrived innocently at 6:30 like I always do and my favorite almost seven year old was sitting in the living room reading a book. I check in with mom and got a few tickles in on my favorite five year old. As mom left I walked into the living room and my favorite almost seven year old asked if I would read with her.

I said sure. She had specific paragraphs that she wanted me to read. We were doing well, I named all the organs and explained the different functions of each organ (try explaining vas deferen tubes to an almost seven year old).

We were going along swimmingly (no pun intended) until we got to the picture of a man and a woman under the covers in bed (the woman was on top no less). And she asked what they were doing. I started with the very generic, "they are making love," or "having sex." That was followed with "what does that mean?" I have to admit, without missing a beat I launched into a very detailed, age appropriate and short version of just what was happening under those covers. (I'm assuming you are all familiar with the process, if not, drop me a line and I can fill you in.)

More impressive than the skillful answering of her questions, what the fact that I did not blush, I did not stumble AND I satisfied her curiosity.

I managed vas deferens but seriously, can someone please explain to me the whole foreskin and circumcision debate?

Yeay! Yeay! Yeay!

2008-10-06T20:01:00.002-05:00

Okay, so I used to have super flexible shoulders, we are talking gumby like shoulders. But a bit over a year ago a kick ball game changed that (well, only 1/2 changed it). So tonight in class I am doing a bit of stretching at break cause I have been sitting for the better part of six hours. I reached my left arm over my head and down my back and I brought my right hand behind my back and reached up. Not only did my fingers touch but I could grasp my hand together!!

It has been over a year since I could do that! Am I excited? Hell yeah! That means rock climbing isn't too far off!!!

Not so much

2008-10-02T18:45:00.002-05:00

Okay, so at the end of the last post I lead all of you to believe that I was off to the Wedge to buy some more yummy vegetable goodness. Yeah, didn't happen.

I found a yellow cake mix in my cupboard that screamed "Make Me" so I obliged. In doing so I realized that I didn't have the required chocolate frosting. So I headed to Kowalski's and bought Barq's root beer, vanilla ice cream, marshmallow matteys, and heavy cream. So much for my campaign of eating well (at least for the evening).

Now I have a bit of a problem, I have 24 wonderfully beautiful yellow cupcakes topped with home-made chocolate ganache. Anybody want to help with my problem?

Mmm, yummy

2008-10-02T15:44:00.002-05:00

So in attempt to eat well I have been buying all sorts of yummy veggies. Well, actually I don't know if they are all yummy as some look down right weird. With all that said, someone somewhere recommended them or told me they are good for me so I thought I'd try.

I have discovered winter squash to much hilarity. For example, while trying to cut one in half a few hours ago to remove the seeds I ended up with the two halves flying in opposite directions, kitties running for cover and then spent the better part of the next 15 minutes picking up seeds.

However, the end result was so worth it. With a few teaspoons of olive oil, some sea salt, and a whole bunch of garlic I ended up with yummy squash fries. They were nice and crunchy and a little bit sweet. Perfect with ketchup.

Well, I'm off the Wedge. Wonder what new veggie I will find next. Any suggestions?

Oh, and if you want to make them yourself, spread them out on a parchment lined cookie sheet (yeay! no dishes), bake at 425 degrees for 40-45 minutes, flipping them over once.

Enjoy!

Yeay Kitties

2008-10-01T23:39:00.005-05:00

So this post it totally thanks to my friend Maggie, who posted this video first.

Anyone who has a cat will understand.

And for good measure, my kitties: Libby (left) and Gabe (right)

Raise your hand and repeat after me...

2008-09-30T23:12:00.003-05:00

"I promise to never be one of those parents at my child's sporting events. I will not coach from the sidelines, I will not continually yell at my child to do this or that. I will sit back, take pictures, be supportive and cheer when appropriate."

I had the privilege of taking my favorite 6 year old to soccer practice tonight. It was so much fun watching all of them run around, having such a wonderful time. The under 8 crowd is my crowd, I coached this age for two years and loved every minute of it (well maybe not every minute but pretty darn close).

Tonight, I was reliving those great memories when this guy started yelling at his kid from the sidelines. Remember this kid is 6 years old, dad is yelling things "like cover your mark, run up field, now down field," my question is three fold. First, do you know how old your child is? Second, are you the coach? And finally, do you realize how big a jerk you are being right now (and that you are ruining for the rest of us)?

As a coach I have kicked parents off the field (thankfully none of them retaliated violently), but given that it was not my child enrolled in the program I kept my mouth shut.

But seriously people, IT IS JUST A GAME!

Once again, raise your hand and repeat after me...

Harry Potter is so applicable to real life! (or so this blogger thinks)

2008-09-29T19:40:00.006-05:00

"Okay, so you know that one part in the Order of the Phoenix where Kinglsey and Mad Eye were discussing Dumbledore's choice in prefects (Ron vs. Harry) and Ron walked over and Mad Eye said you him, 'Obviously Dumbledore thinks you can withstand most of the minor jinxes that authority figures tend to attract.'"

Yep, that is the example that I used in class today to explain why I don't think that I would be a supervisor. Nope, that is not the first time that I found the perfect Harry Potter reference for a current situation.

Maybe it is time to put the Harry Potter down and back away slowly.

For all things Harry Potter visit the Harry Potter Lexicon.

Becoming a professional juggler

2008-09-29T11:16:00.002-05:00

This semester is proving to be as crazy as the last. I am loving my classes, well, two of them at least. As for the third, at least I've got great people to keep me company in it.

It's been an interesting juggling act, with the most death deifying feat being trying to wedge a paying job into all of it (versus the required 12 hours a week for a non-paid internship). But hopefully I've found my fit. I will be starting at the end of the month as a Home and Community Support Staff with Saint David's. I will be working with two families, one with a 7 year old boy, and another with a 12 year old girl.

Great way to get experience with EBD, and possibly a great way to lose the shred of sanity I have left. I am excited to start, but breaking in new families is always a bit of a challenge (that some times leads to hilarious results).

And we're done

2008-09-27T22:31:00.006-05:00

It is official, I received the letter in the mail that says I am permanently but only partially disabled (3% to be exact).

Okay, so let me back up for those of you who haven't been following the drama. 15 months ago to the day I separated my shoulder playing kick ball (yes, kick ball, with 4th graders). Rounding 3rd base gravity got the better of me and 190 pounds plummeted to the earth with only my left shoulder to break the fall.

For whatever reason my body simply didn't like the hardware that they attempted to use. The first attempt with two buttons and fiber wire failed when one of the buttons cracked the bone. The second attempt was a screw (see picture). Well, 10 days after surgery I went in for a recheck and my bone had started to spit the screw out (four threads were now out of the bone). My surgeon, who is one of the best orthopedists in the country, could do nothing more than shake his head. He had never seen either of these occurrences in any one else before.

So after two surgeries and 2 hardware removals, plus a failed ligament graft and having about an inch of my clavicle removed I am back to doing everything that I did before the injury, which in itself is amazing. No one was sure I would have normal use of my shoulder again.

New Camera

2008-09-27T18:10:00.006-05:00

Well, I broke down and bought a (another) camera. While I LOVE my two Canons (Digital Rebel XTi and 40D) that have each taken thousands of pictures each. I just really needed a camera that I can keep in my bag. So I broke down and bought a Nikon (eek!) CoolPix S550.

With this camera I will be ready to capture any and all random moments from tattoo getting to game playing and birthday partying.

For my high end photography fix I am still Canon all the way, but this Nikon is pretty nice.

Peace Jam

2008-04-13T21:19:00.004-05:00

I was lucky enough to spend this weekend with an amazing group of young people at Peace Jam. To hear about their incredible work in their communities and to participate in a massive service project on Saturday.

I seized a once in a life time opportunity Saturday morning after listening to the amazing Desmond Tutu and his daughter speak to an auditorium full of high schoolers (and you could hear a pin drop!). When the group was dismissed I jumped up on stage and got my picture taken with this amazing man.

Later in the weekend I also had to opportunity to speak with his daughter and also got my picture taken with her.

It was an amazing weekend, spent with two amazing young women.