Beginnings

Big is a relative term. I love printing my pictures in the largest size that will fit on my wall, the better to gaze at, the better to get lost and escape reality for a time. But when I first started painting and was faced with the blank page or canvas, big is so much smaller.

Big for this project was just as ambiguous. I didn't want to create something that was so big it was impractical (both in cost and displaying), but bigger that the usual size I paint in in order to push my comfort zone. I knew that I wanted to display the piece when it was finished, but not where everyone could see it but where I could be reminded of how far I've come and the journey that is still unfolding.

This past year has been one of discovering what I wanted and honoring the vision I have, I'm not sure why I thought this journey wouldn't follow me into the art supply store.

I knew I wanted to use acrylic paints and palate knives after an art experience I had with the kids at my internship (which was lead by a wonderful volunteer). I made the mistake of asking what type of paint I should use, it was less of a conversation about paint and more of a decree handed down by the sales person. I spent almost 45 minutes walking up and down the paint isle as I couldn't make up my mind. Do I honor what I wanted to use or do as I was told so it would turn out "right." In the end I decided to give my vision a shot.

Picking out a canvas proved to be tricky as well. After almost an hour of looking at different canvases, comparing them to one another and debating endlessly, I finally decided on a 26x32 canvas. (yep, at this point I've been at the art store almost two hours)

Some how I wanted to combine the "how" and the "goal" sketches that I made back in November. I thought maybe doing the chakras and my outline but that wouldn't give enough color on the canvas. Then I thought about doing colored squares over the entire canvas but that what too neat and orderly. As you can see there are a few areas obviously painted over, I was thinking way too hard. Then I gave up and just painted.

Once I decided to let the colors choose where they were going things happened much faster and more fluidly. The fluidity was what I was hoping for. Creativity and movement that bypassed conscious thought.

I was able to give myself over to the process, adding more color where it was needed. Turning off the judgmental part of my brain, trusting in the moment and that it was right.

This is the final product of the first part of the piece. I stepped backed and immediately loved it, for the first few minutes. Then I became very critical of it. It was difficult to move back into the space of knowing it was perfect so I walked away for a bit. I have moved (mostly) back into a space of perfect (as opposed to perfection) allowing myself to be there without judgment and when the judgment comes in noticing, taking a breath and then returning.

And what would creating be without a little bit of help? 

Libby Kitty